Summer Solstice

What happens when the flowers don't bloom?

Spring passed by quickly. I spent a lot of time worrying; about my university, and my job, and why the little stars in my brain were growing dimmer. I also spent a lot of time waiting, cursing the sky for the temperature not being quite right or the sun for shining too brightly. Spring came and went, but I felt like my spring never came. The snow melted but I still wore sweaters. I left the blinds closed. I sat and waited for something to re-light those stars in my brain. And then the cicadas sang, and the humidity percentage broke 50, and I felt betrayed, like the world had broken a promise. 

But spring doesn't have to mean that things suddenly get better. Where I live, it doesn't really get warm until early May, but March and April are still technically spring. It's about acceptance: accepting the current state and learning to find the tenderness of fresh flowers in other things. Spring blesses the world at different times: the southern hemisphere experiences it in September, and colder or warmer climates may not experience it at all. But the sun continues to turn, and the world will lift and release.

Marya Hornbacher wrote in Waiting:

I know this place, I know its seasons — I have hiked these mountains in the summer and walked these winding pathways in the explosion of color that is a northern fall. And now, as the temperature drops well below zero and the deadly cold lake rages below, I feel the stirrings of faith that here, in this place, in my heart, spring will come again.

I think we go through seasons too. We’ve all experienced moments of joy: in childhood, or just in fleeting moments. It’ll always return to us, because that’s how it works.

David Hockney, “Do remember they can’t cancel the spring.” (2020)

In late March, I bought a bouquet of dried lavender at Trader Joe’s, before the blossoms on the tree in my front yard started to bloom. The beauty of those things is that they never die. They just sit and wait until you appreciate them. When I realized that all the blossoms had disappeared, I tried not to feel regretful at how little I stopped to appreciate them in their brief existence. Instead, I placed the dried lavender in a vase and opened my blinds, admired the pale green of the early summer leaves. 

So as the sun hits its highest point, I'll take some of its light and let it freckle my insides. But I still look forward to the summer storms, leaning into them and waiting for the trees to saturate into a brighter green. Letting both the rain and the after-halo of the sun kiss me deeply.  This is my spring.

Buy yourself some flowers this week.

More on Spring

On Being With Krista Tippet, “How Wintering Replenishes” with Katherine May

Ada Limon, “Instructions on Not Giving Up”

Louise Glück, “Snowdrops”

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What I’ve Enjoyed Lately

Recent Reads

• Wild Iris by Louise Glück (1992). I found this collection for $4 at a secondhand bookstore and read it across from a good friend in a sunny cafe. The weight of the words combined with the sunshine made me feel extra floaty. All of the poems included are set in a garden, written from three perspectives: flowers speaking to the gardener, the gardener, and an omniscient god-like figure. It explores humanity, mortality, and spirituality, and after every poem, I felt myself grow a new leaf. Here’s one that struck me in particular.

• ‘Oh you most beautiful inside of a vegetable!’ by Amy Key. This poem really stuck with me. I read it last week and since then, I have taken a bit of extra time at the grocery store or in the kitchen to admire the natural beauty in Earth’s gifts. The softness of a peach, or the spikes of a dragonfruit, or the rings of an onion. I’m glad I came across it, and I’m looking forward to reading more of her work.

Other Wonderful Things

• Clairo’s new album Sling. It’s graceful and comforting and honest. The lyrics explore motherhood, mental health, and sexualization. I haven’t stopped listening since its release, and I think I’ll be holding it close for a long time. My favorite track is “Amoeba”.

• My Astro Poets Horoscope. “Week of 7/11 in Aries: It’s hard to know yet how things will go but they will go well. You must keep trying even when it’s hard. You are so strong. Find the people around you who are strong, too.”

• Peaches! I visited Tatte on Tuesday and had their Roasted Peach + Ricotta Tartine. I love a good fruit toast. Sourdough, peaches, ricotta, maple syrup, mint. Glorious!!!!! And easy to make at home. <3

• This song, and this song, and this song.

Thanks for hanging out with me today. Let me know what’s been bringing you joy.

Talk soon,

<3

Tara